Reckless (Part Twelve)

KAT


we left the dance, running for the car. it was hard to run in a strapless dress and not have it fall down, and it was even harder when jack grabbed one of my hands. i knew i was slowing us down, but it was just too cold. then he picked me up.
"no! jack put me down, put me down!"
he didnt put me down, but we were moving a lot faster now. we were at the car within minutes, and we buckled up and zoomed off.
i was terrified. what was going to happen? i had just had my first kiss, but i still didnt know anything about this sort of thing. i wasnt ready, that much i knew for sure, but i wanted to make jack happy. what would that take?
after the fastest drive home ever, i bolted from the car and ran to the front door, jack following close behind. i needed him back.
he ushered me upstairs while he talked to amelia. i ran up there, nervous beyond compare. i smoothed my hair and wiped off my lipgloss and smelt my breath and then he was there again. he shut the door and charged towards me with such force that i might have fallen over had his arms not been behind my back already. his mouth found mine and thats where it stayed. i threw off his jacket and managed to pull my stockings off with one hand. unable to stand on our shaking legs any longer, we fell back onto the bed. jack was on top of me and i could smell him. he smelt like the deodorant me and amelia had picked out, and clean from a shower, and sweat. it wasnt a bad smell, it just made it more like jack. i breathed it in and nearly passed out.
my arms were in knots around his neck and back and our legs were tangled together too.
my hands found his collar and pulled him closer still. i felt a button move under my finger and prised it open hesitantly. jack didnt seem to mind, or even notice. i opened another, and another. i didnt want to take it off completely, in case his back got cold, but the heat from his chest warmed mine.
some time later, we broke apart. jack grabbed the water bottle and drank deeply before handing it to me. i sipped it and then threw it on the floor, keen to get back to my boyfriend. it sounded so weird. boyfriend was so casual. i hated the way the word sounded.
i felt it was important to reiterate the words i had said earlier. i looked him straight on and just said it. "i love you jack."
his face looked so disbelieving as i said it, as though he thought he might be dreaming.
"i love you kat."
i smiled without moving my lips. my eyes were smiling, if its even possible to do such a thing.
i knew, somehow, that if i was going to do something, i had to do it now. i took my right hand from around his neck and slowly started moving my fingers across his skin. around his neck, his neckline, down his chest...
jack grabbed onto my hand and kissed it. thinking he was just going with the flow like i was, i did it again with my left hand. then he grabbed hold of that too. i frowned.
"jack? are you alright? did i do something wrong?"
"no. you couldnt be more perfect. just... lets not do this yet. ok?"
i couldnt believe what i was hearing. "you dont want to?"
"are you kidding? i want this so badly, and saying no might be the hardest thing ive ever done. i just want you to be 110% sure about this. i dont care how sure you say you are now, i want you to sleep on it. if you still feel the same tomorrow, then we can talk about it. im not taking that from you too ok?"
"yeah, ok. you still love me though? and you want me?"
"more than anything in the whole world."
i had no idea what to do next. i had just been rejected. it was like all of my worst nightmares come true. i let my hands fall to the bed beside me and closed my eyes. they stung with the promise of oncoming tears, but i held them back, for prides sake.
he kissed my nose. and my cheeks. and my neck and my ears. and it felt so good i didnt want to push him away. i opened my eyes and saw the way he looked at me. he hadnt rejected me because he didnt want me, he did it because he didnt want me to get hurt.

i dont even remember falling asleep. but waking up in the morning was wonderful. i dreamt peacefully of kisses and jack, and woke up the same way i always did. except he wasnt curled up behind me. he had his arm around my neck and i was lying on him, my head resting on his chest, moving slowly up and down with his breathing. i was still in my dress and he was still wearing his dress pants. he had taken off his shirt at some point.
"good morning sunshine." his voice was slightly croaky and... kind of sexy.
i hadnt realised he was awake.
"whats the time?"
"about 4am. why?"
shit. what was i doing awake? "were you up all night?"
"you only went to sleep a few hours ago. yeah. i dont think ill be able to sleep."
"why not?" i asked.
"im terrified ill wake up and it will all be back to normal. its like im dreaming."
"youre not. hey! i slept on it."
"what?"
"you said sleep on it and then we can talk about it. i slept. lets talk." even though the thought of bringing that up with anyone scared me half to death.
"why are you in such a rush?"
"im not." in fact i didnt know why i was so keen to do it. because i wasnt. i was petrified.
"we can talk about it, but im not going to let you do anything stupid."
i decided to come clean.
"i just want to make you happy. like i went to the dance with you, for you. i wore that silly dress and all that make up and went all girly for you. and your mother."
"oh kat. sure i want things, but i want to wait. i havent done it before either you know. you sholdnt be doing it for me, you should be doing it because you want to. ok?"
thank god. there was no way i was ready for that yet. no way in hell.
"and that dress wasnt silly. you looked so beautiful. still do. i wonder how amelia is going to react." it wasnt so much as a question, more like thinking out loud. we continued to lay there until eventually we fell asleep again.


JACK


i was more than happy to stay in bed all day with kat, but unfortunately our stomachs forced us to get out of bed. i got changed quickly while kat showered and ran downstairs.
"god jack, its still morning, why are you up?"
"why not? just hungry"
"so how did it go last night? why did you come home so early? you were only gone for an hour and a half."
"well we got there, and then kat decided to tell me she was in love with me, so we came home. turns out neither of us actually wanted to be there."
"well then it went pretty well i see! your foolish grin gave it away as well. so how was it?"
"we didnt do anything. but it was good. very very good. you ok with us being together?"
"been waiting for it for years. well done for finally getting your act together, the pair of you."
kat walked into the room and i felt my grin grow. the flushed a shade of pink and sat down at the counter next to me. when i looked up at amelia again, she was crying.
"you ok amelia?"
"yeah... i just.... youre finally a couple!" it was hard to interpret what she was saying between sobs, and she rushed off to the downstairs bathroom to wipe away her tears of joy. kat moved her stool closer to me and i put my arm around her.
"what do you want for breakfast?"
"coffee. now. please."
we sat quietly sipping our coffee and enjoying the warm sense of happiness while the morning dragged on. we sat listening to the rain outside and debated on whether or not to go out today. we decided that video games and DVDs were a much more satisfactory idea, so we headed upstairs, shut the curtains in my room and whiled(?) away the afternoon.
it wasnt until very late that night that i realised with a shock that we hadnt finished our math homework from the week before. which wasnt so bad for me, but kat needed help finishing hers. we curled up in the warm bed while i watched her chew the end of her pen as she worked through her algebra problems. here and there i pointed at something on her page and she would go back to it and work it out again until i acknowledged a right answer. halfway through, she fell asleep on my shoulder. working quickly, i wrote the answers down and scribbled a note to her-
KAT- YOU NEED TO DO THE WORKING FOR THESE. LOVE YOU X
and i curled up next to her and slept.


KAT


its probably about time i explained my parents. its not something i know a lot about, but its the sort of thing that needs to be said.
ill start with my dad. his name is richard porter and all he knows is money. he was born into a world of it and knows no different. private schooling, extra tutoring and a large inheritance. his father died when i was still a baby, and his mother, my grandmother, is somewhere in europe, probably chasing after too many young men and having the time of her life. i have only met her a few times when i was still young.
from what i know, richard is in the business of insurance.
my grandmother is katherine the first, and though im not 100% sure, i could bet that she never shortened her name. katherine had never worked, she was supported by her parents and her husband, and when they had all died, she was left with a hefty sum of money that would keep her comfortable for the rest of her life.
my mother, on the other hand, was not born into anything. eleanor worked hard at school, hoping to become a doctor or a lawyer or something someday. she was accepted into a good college where she met my dad. as it turned out, she didnt need the scholarship, she ended up becoming my fathers assistant. he was a CEO of a bank or something. i never paid enough attention or cared enough to try.
my parents had my brother first. his name is joshua, and they insist on calling him that instead of josh. hes is five years older than me. he always had the ambition. he was a natural leader, and when we were kids, he would try and make me do my homework, tutoring me and lording it over me because i just wasnt as smart as he was. joshua knows what he wants. he has a plan. he has lots of plans. he has a daily, weekly, yearly, five yearly, and ten yearly plan. he knows exactly what is going on in every situation, and im pretty sure that these plans are the reason he gets what he wants. all the girls lov him- he is good looking, but not so good looking that he would break their hearts just because he could, he is secure, encouraging and determined. they knew, that if he wanted them, he would have them. at age 22, he had a steady girlfriend. i knew, that at age 23, he would propose, then six months later they would have their amazing wedding and live happily ever after. it made me a little ill. it made my parents happier than i ever made them, and it was for this reason that they favoured him over me. which was fine, because it meant that i could sneak out and they never noticed.
when i moved in with jack, im sure it felt to them like they had lost a child. i dont know if they were sad about it or not, but the enforced weekly dinners stopped after a while. i saw them every now and then, when amelia would feel guilty about stealing me away from them, or we would see them at the store. it was always strangely awkward around them, like they were old best friends or people who knew secrets about me. i tried not to let it get to me, but as much as i disliked them, i sort of missed my parents a little bit from time to time. amelia was always worried i wasnt seeing them enough, or they werent providing enough for me. truth is, they were still sending me large sums of money into my account weekly and monthly. $300 was transferred weekly, and $500 at the start of every month. i never used any of it, except to help out with groceries now and then, or if me and jack went out. neither of us had jobs, as we were told to focus on school, because amelia promised to give us everything we needed. the mortgage on the house wouldnt have been much, if anything, for a tiny 3 bedroom house in a tiny town. we got by on not very much. so i was blown away when i checked my account one afternoon while me and jack were at the mall. he needed new wheels for his skateboard, and i of course joined him.
"oh my god." the card had been sucked into the machine, and was now showing my balance.
"what?" jack leaned over and looked at the screen, nearly falling over himself when he realised what he was looking at.
"five thousand dolllars? what do i need 5 grand for? did they really think i would need all this?"
my head was spinning. i didnt even want to spend it. i didnt earn it, i didnt need or want it, how was i supposed to get rid of it?
"youre so shouting me these wheels i need kat. youve got the rich, i-cant-say-i-love-you-to-my-daughter-so-ill-send-her-copious-amounts-of-money parents, not me. i want a snack too actually." he grabbed me around the waist and put his face very close to mine. it still shocked me when he did this. "kat, im kidding. just leave the money. use it for college or to buy a house or something. ignore it, ok?" i sighed. he was right.
i retrieved my card and we headed to the skate shop.
i think next to home or the streets with his friends, this was his favourite place to be. it was full of skateboards signed by professionals, wheels, shoes, guards, pictures of tricks and people just like him. he loved it. it was a thursday afternoon, but the store was packed. we weaved in and out to get to the counter where we found Blue.
now, dont get me wrong, i like blue, but if i wasnt in the picture, i would bet all five grand in my bank account that jack would be doing everything he could to get with her. she was gorgeous. and i dont mean runway/giggles/shopping/pink things and puppies gorgeous.
i mean blue and blonde hair, piercings everywhere, eyeliner and legs that didnt stop. she was tall and had a huge grin, and could skate. she wore the most outrageous clothes and managed to actually pull it off. and she was nice. even to me, who had no idea what they meant by a 360 grind nose tail switch or whatever. she would smile at me and ask questions. not the bad kind of questions either. i think she understood that i hated questions like 'how are you'. she asked me if the bitchy girls at school were more or less bitchy, if my parents would notice if i dyed my hair green, or if i had ever tried skating. to be completely honest, i had a bit of a girl crush on blue. she was just so cool.
"jack, kat! havent seen you guys in ages! what can i do for you today guys? bit hectic in here today. has been lately." she grinned her perfect but not obnxious smile at us and we grinned back helplessly. then she noticed our hands, weaved together and squealed.
"you guys finally got together? about freaking time."
"yeah i think we were the last to realise. i need new wheels blue. mine are so out of shape. and i would like to get kat here a board."
fuck. i had been hoping this day would never come.
"awesome! well come out back, ill get you sorted."
i followed her out back, and glared at jack. "why?"
"im going to teach you properly how to skate. for that, you need a board."
out back was much the same as out front, but it had racks and racks of plain coloured boards, different shapes and sizes and all without wheels.
"ok! step up here kat, yep just like that. jack, come here and hold her so she doesnt fall over."
i was placed onto a grid on the floor, with marks and shapes all over the place. blue bent over my feet, measuring and muttering to herself. she scribbled out numbers and then stood up again, disappearing behind a rack of green boards. i continued glaring at jack, who seemed annoyingly happy.
when blue reappeared, she was holding a board in her right hand and a set of wheels in the left. the wheels were dropped on the ground and i was told to stand on my board, which was now balanced precariously on a metal contraption, placing the wheels where they would normally be.
"youre kidding right? i cant stand on that thing, ill fall off."
"two inches off the ground? kat, you have the perfect shape for a skateboarder. small and light. its a lot harder for people like me to do it. stupid long freaking legs. hey jack, go get me the tape from the front would you?" he disappeared obediently.
"look kat, if you do this, it will make him so happy. just give it a try. cuts and scrapes just go with the occupation. you dont have to be great, but go. do it." jack arrived back in the room just as i was stepping onto the board. my toes and heels hung over the edges a little, but otherwise it seemed to take my weight well. i clung to jack with my knuckles turning whiter and whiter. blue adjusted a few more things, then i was told to get off.
"all done! come pick it up next weekend, pay then as well. any requests?"
"kat, go ahead, i want to ask blue something."
ok fine. i wandered to the front of the store again, glad to be off the skateboard. jack caught up to me a minute later and we left the shop together.
"what was that all about?" i tried to ask angrily, but my mood had evaporated.
"just a little something. youll see."