Reckless (Part Five)

when i awoke, i was confused. i had sworn it was kat on the ambulance bed, not me. i smelt the hospital scent burning my nostrils, i heard the squeak of clean rubber shoes on clean linoleum floors, and i felt the authority i was under as i was instructed to lie back down when i realised i was on a gurney and tried to get up.
"what happened? is kat ok?"
"your friend is fine. you hit your head on the way down, but i think you will be ok. we are waiting on the x-rays now."
x-rays??? what was going on?
my confused expression must have alerted the nurse that i had no idea what was going on.
"sweetie, you brought your friend in, then you looked down at your clothes and collapsed. are you a bit tender around blood?" her voice was kindly, but her eyes held a certain hardness that could only be mocking.
"no," i said indignantly. "i think the shock just wore off, and i realised that i didnt know if kat was going to be alive." "well shes still unconscious, but we have her all taken care of. do you want to see her?"
"yes!" i sat up and jumped off the bed, only to grab it as my head spun and my knees shook, bringing me to my knees.
"yes well, youre not in any condition right now. ill get you some water and a banana and in fifteen minutes we will try that again. slowly. lay back down and i will be back in a moment."
i obeyed to make the room stop spinning. i closed my eyes and focused on concentrating. the sooner i could stand upright, the sooner i could see kat. something behind my right ear was throbbing away and i could tell that was where i had hit it. very slowly, i propped myself up on my elbows. it was only slight elevation, but the room and all its contents stayed put. i breathed in slowly and waited for a moment. gradually, i made my up to a sitting position before the nurse came back. she was holding a foam cup filled with water and a banana in her hands.
"well i hope you didnt do that all in one go. room spinning or are you feeling a bit better?"
"its not too bad. head hurts a little. i think i hit it when i fell."
"well the x-rays came back clear, so its probably just a bit bruised. take it easy for the next few days ok? eat that and then keep slowly trying to get up. ill be back in just a minute, dont go until i can see that youre going to be ok. then ill take you to your friends room. wont be long."
she left, her rubber shoes squeaking along the floor as she did.
i ate my fruit and drank my water before i tried getting up agian. i swung my legs over the edge and sat up straighter. slowly, i eased myself down to the ground, securely holding the bed for support. my legs were a little wobbly, so i stood for a minute before attempting to move. i was a little dizzy, but it disappeared after a moment. the nurse appeared, and we made our way carefully down the lobby and into the lift.
i held onto the rail in the elevator, and watched with horror as she pressed the button for intensive care unit. i realised it was what i couldnt give her and my stomach plummeted. but i held on tight so i wouldnt get sent back down and away from kat. we walked down a long hallway. it was so eerie- it was deadly silent. the only sound was the nurses horrible shoes and my soft padding in my sneakers.
it seemed an eternity before we reached kats room. it was closed with no window in the door. i walked in, keeping my eyes on the floor. i knew if i looked at her before i had something to collapse in, i would end up unconscious again. i sat down in the seat next to her bed while the nurse left us in peace. i raised my gaze and saw her. her skin was a pale grey, and tubes spewed from her nose and mouth and hands. there were thick bandages all the way up her arms as though she was in plaster casts. these casts contrasted strongly with the rest of her- there was hardly anything of her. she was so tiny and fragile- i hadnt really realised before. maybe it was her fragile state that made her look so helpless. her hair was matted with blood, though the nurses had cleaned up her face a bit. i hadnt noticed the tears staining my face until now, when one fell onto my hand as it reached for kats. i didnt know where to touch her- the tubes and bandages prevented me from doing so. instead, i pulled my chair closer and touched her face. her eyelids were a deep purple, and so were the bags under them. her lips were pale pink, almost white. she was so discoloured, she looked dead. i rested my head next to hers and wept myself to sleep.